Not feeling it

Its been a long time since I posted anything. I've been doing okay. Thanksgiving was great, although Kim and the kids were not there this year, which was sad. But my girls and their families were and that was wonderful . We started a new tradition this year and did a Thanksgiving Tablecloth where we all wrote on it with a sharpie saying what we were thankful for that year. Then we'll bring it out next year and so on and so on. How I wish we could have started this tradition when Barry was alive. I would have loved to have looked back on what he was thankful for. And my daughter Julie finally gave birth to precious little Patrick. He is adorable and mellow and its so great to have a newborn in the family again. It was a quick birth....very very very quick. She almost had him in the car. If Danny hadn't had scooped her up and carried her into the birthing center she would have had him in the car. I'm grateful for that, as he had the cord wrapped around his neck and needed and his heart rate was pretty slow. But all is great, Patrick is great as is Julie, Danny, Tobin, Aiden, Annika and Piper (Danny's daughter). Phew!!

As for the "not feeling it" title of my post, its cuz I'm just not into Christmas this year. I'm unorganized and not even hardly started on shopping for everyone. Don't even have many ideas. I did not put up a Christmas tree in my little place this year because, 1. I don't really have a spot for one, 2. I don't want to get a real tree and wrassle it all by myself into the house and put it in the stand, 3. I don't want to buy a fake tree and 4. I don't want to get all those beautiful ornaments out that Barry and I put on the tree every year and I don't want to get all the stockings out because I can't fill Barry's anymore and he isn't around to fill mine.....Amy is in re-hab with Amiah, so why bother? It would just make me sad to look at the tree all by myself. Since I "ran away" to Disneyland last year, this is really my first REAL Christmas without Barry. I'm acutally doing okay by myself. But at times like this, missing Barry becomes more acute. I'm going to try and go on a mini -vacation with my best friend in January or February just to have something to look forward to. Disneyland again maybe, or San Diego or who knows....just something. I was talking to another friend of mine who lost her husband 2 years ago and she and I have another in thing in common: We want to go sky-diving! Barry was always freaking out about me wanting to do that, so I didn't, because I didn't want to upset him or have him worry. But now.....well, we are gonna try it together in the spring/summer. So thats something I am looking forward to. I also had a nice little mini-vacation down to Murietta, CA where my niece and her family live and, bonus: my sister was there visiting from Missouri and ,double bonus: my Aunt Bonny was throwing her annual Christmas party and I havent' seen her in years and years. So I got a lot in on the few days I was down there. It was sooooo good to see my niece's kiddo's and hang out with my sister. We had a blast (although my sis wasn't happy sharing a room with me because apparently I have developed a snoring habit.) I NEVER snored like that in my life. I was always a quiet, quiet sleeper. I didn't snore like that when I visited my sister in Missouri in the summer.....so what happened since then? geez. Apparently I could give a buzz saw a run for its money. *sigh*

Anwyay, I'm grateful for my precious new little grandson, I am grateful for my family that is there when I need them (and my moms delicious Thanksgiving dinner....she rocks!) and I am focusing on all my blessings instead of wallowing in lonlieness without Barry. I'll get thru it....I always do, with help from my great big God. I have to remember : instead of telling God how big my storms are, to tell my storms how big my GOD is. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.