Time marches on

Soooo....I haven't updated my blog in awhile, so I figured I better get on it. Things have been moving right along which is a good thing I guess. I am settling into my new home. Its beginning to feel more like home lately. My entire family (except for Amy of course who is in rehab right now, thank you God) went to celebrate Barry's parents 61st wedding anniversary and Wayne's 80th birthday the first weekend in October. It was the first time I have been up there visiting since Christmas 2009. The in-laws have come here many times so I have seen them, but I haven't been up there since then. Frankly, I didn't want to drive up there by myself and I didn't want to stay there by myself with them. I love my in-laws with all my heart but I knew I would have a serious heartbreak being there without Barry. So this weekend was a great thing because there was lots of diversion and we all stayed in a funky little "motel"....more like cabins in McKinnleyville. They had little kitchens and room for families in these cabins and I thought they had a lot of charm. We had a little campfire there in the evenings where we roasted marshmallows and talked with all the kids and caught up with all the cousins and in-laws etc. The party itself was great and I even sang at Wayne's church during the service with my daughter. I love singing with her and we dont' do it nearly enough. So the weekend was wonderful and it allowed me be there and not have toooo much heartbreak. I must confess, during the party, I kept looking for Barry. It was very strange. We had a little table with his picture on it for a "memorial" for him since it would have been his 55th birthday. The weekend after I got home I had a "mini-meltdown". I looked at my new home and thought "How did I get here? What just happened in my life?" It felt like I had been taken out of my old life and plopped down in this new one. I acutely missed Barry again, like this was brand new. But the good news is....it passed quickly....like within hours. I guess I am getting on with life. I'm grateful Amy is in re-hab and I hope this time it sticks. I'm under no illusions, but I am hopeful. There is always hope. Little Amiah seems to be doing very well, though I miss that little cutie pie so much! I get to have her for a few hours every other weekend and that helps my lonliness. Julie is due to deliver little Patrick James next month doing well and Laura is also well and healthy as is baby Eva. The grandkids are all good, I have my health. There is so much in life to be grateful for. Time does help heal, and I am looking forward to Thanksgiving with family and the smell of turkey filling the house and me, covered in grandchildren and hugs....have I mentioned I love my family? God is good and I am good. It all works out.