Radiation.....complete!

Okay....done with all the therapy for right now. Phew. Radiation made Barry tired, but thats about it. Made his arm kind of stiff too, but other than that, this was a piece of cake compared to interferon. Now the waiting begins....
We wait for a brain MRI on April 19th. Apparently they have to make sure there is no cancer in the brain before they come up with another therapy if needed. We also have a PET scan due on April 26th...and THAT is the diffinitive result. I'm praying for NO cancer near his arm where he had surgery (the surgeon wasn't sure he got it all...got everything he could see, but he couldn't see far enough) and NO cancer in his back where there is a questionable spot. Trying not to be afraid...trying not to worry. God has this in His hand, but its hard not to imagine things. They tell you to hope for the best and prepare for the worst. How the heck do you prepare for the worst? I can't even imagine the worst....its un-imaginable to be without my beloved and wonderful husband. So I ask any of you who read this....please pray for NO cancer to be found. That doesn't mean there will be no re-occurence, I know, but I would like a repreive and so would my husband. God is in control....this is my mantra. Please, no cancer...this is my prayer.

Normal is just a setting on your dryer.....

Yes, yes I know thats a name of a great book, but its true. We are at a new "normal" and every day I wake up next to my hubby is a good day. Woke up laughing this morning, which is another blessing. That's one thing I do love about my hubby....we are always able to laugh with each other. It was about nothing phenomonal, just banter, but I am cherishing it so much now. Have a busy weekend planned and Barry is still feeling pretty wrung out. He is trying so hard. He went to work this morning and did 7 smogs and then went to his radiation appointment and now is on his way home feeling pretty exhausted. I'll say! Thats a lot for someone who just 10 days ago finished a very long and exhausting interferon therapy. Don't know that I could do as well as he did. Our conversations right before falling asleep pretty much go the same way every night, with each of telling the other we love them and me saying "please stick around honey....at least until our 50th wedding anniversary"....and him saying "I'm doing my best".....and then falling asleep holding hands. Does it get better? I think not.

A good laugh is needed sometimes

I had a "normal" weekend. Although our "normal" has changed, this was as normal as it gets for me right now. Barry is absolutely incredible and is working part time and starting his radiation tomorrow. My weekend consisted of a nice dinner Friday night at home with hubby and having my youngest one year old grand-daughter overnight. Saturday was spent with the littlest one and then some shopping , and then we went to SUCH a fun party. I forgot how much fun hanging out with friends was....and just being (again...) NORMAL. I put aside all the cancer stuff, and had the best time. We did karaoke (which I normally hate) but a bunch of the guys sang "New York New York" so HORRIBLY that all I could do was laugh and laugh until I cried. If you want to see it, here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AAhujE7PfEw I recorded it and whenever I want a good laugh, I look at it. I forgot how wonderful it is to just laugh and laugh and laugh....They even got us girls up there to sing "I feel the Earth Move under my Feet" and they laughed at us too....What a blessing good friends are....and what a blessing a good, hearty laugh is. It just made everything better.

Interferon....complete!

My husband simply amazes me. As ill has he was during his interferon treatments (stomach issues, chills, fever, no appetite, 15lb weight loss that he could not afford to lose, incredible fatigue etc) he has already gone back to work part time, two days after his last treatment. He is struggling so hard to get his life back. And its such an amazing blessing for me to have my husband back. When I come home from work, he is not thrashing around in bed with earth shattering chills, he is on the couch and able to talk coherently and watch some TV with me and actually eat a meal and almost enjoy it. It was so weird having to force my husband to eat and when he did eat, it was the bare minimum of bites before he had to go lie down or get sick to his stomach. We had our UCSF appointment and did not discover anything new, other that, if , God forbid, he DOES have stage IV disease there is a specific brand new, phase one clinical trial he may be able to get on, IF he has a specific gene that he needs to be tested for. It will cost $$$ to get this tested thru UCSF, and we are checking to see if Kaiser does genetic testing for this. I can't look too far ahead or my head starts to spin on the "what ifs" of this disease. I am learning to take just one day at a time, to enjoy my husband every single day and enjoy the incredible blessing of being "normal"...how ever long or brief it may be.

Nearing the end of interferon

We are nearing the end of a month of interferon. Cannot come too soon for me. This has been way more brutal than I thought it would be. Tuesday is his last infusion and I will be there. I have had an army of wonderful friends pinch-hitting for me taking him to his appointments, since I have to work. They have all hung out with him the whole time, talking to him, fussing over him and generally keeping his spirits up. What a blessing!! But since Tuesday is the last day after a 3 day break (we have an appointment at UCSF on Monday for a second opinion), he may get the shakes and chills , and for once, I'm going to stay home with him. He has been so cheerful during all of this, even during his worst moments. January and February have been really killer months, with the diagnosis, surgery and treatments. Barry starts radiation on Wednesday for 5 treatments, so that will take us to the end of March almost. Maybe, just maybe in April he can start back to work and start a bit of "normalcy". We also have an appointment with the oncologist on Tuesday and I'm going to ask about a repeat PET scan in April, to check the spot on his back. That will tell us if this is stage IV or stage III. That could be a turning point in this whole process. To say I'm scared is an understatement. I pray every single day, that this NOT be cancer....that it NOT be larger , or glow brighter, indicating cancer. I ask for all of you to pray this as well. I pray that the interferon not be futile, that it eats away at the cancer cells....that I have my beautiful, wonderful husband for years and years to come.