So much has happened in such a short time. Since my last, very upbeat post, we had some devastating news on February 8th. My youngest grandson, Patrick, 14 months old, was found unresponsive in his bed. I got a frantic phone call from Danny asking me to come stay with the kids, because Patrick was in an ambulance on his way to the ER. Rushing over there, I called MY mom to come stay with the kids because I wanted to see what was wrong with my grandson and lend support if I could. When I got to the ER, I asked to see my grandson and his mom, I was greeted at the door by my Pastor whose face looked very grim. He told me that Patrick was gone. My knees buckled and I sank to the floor in absolute shock and horror. I must have sat there for 5 minutes before I could get the strength to rise off the floor. Tears , denial, wailing ensued and I felt like I couldn't breathe. How could this happen? After trying to gather myself together I was walked into the room where Julie and Danny were there. Julie was holding that very cold, still, baby and the look on her face is something that will be etched into my memory forever. The look was unbearable pain, and a silent plea for me to "fix it". As every parent knows, when your child is hurting, you want to fix it. Make it go away. When your child is little, a skinned knee, a hurt feeling is fixed with cuddles and cookies and some tender loving care. As the child gets older, this no longer works the same. You can still give cuddles and cookies and TLC, but they need to learn how to handle a lot of it themselves. This obviously was one of those times when there was literally nothing I could do except say, "mommy's here honey....mommy's here". The days that followed were filled with tears, tears, more tears and total shock. We had to get memorial services together and make arrangements for a burial. There is simply no way to prepare for any of this. But Danny and Julie did it, with the help and support of our loving church family and many, many friends. And this is the amazing part.... my daughter has a blog called The Progressive Parent which she started when she was pregnant with Patrick....all about raising children, breastfeeding, etc etc. When she posted that Patrick had passed away, the outpouring of love and care was beyond anything I could have comprehended. So many posts of sympathy and love, and then a fund was set up through her her followers to help with expenses. An enormous amount was raised....and that was a good thing because there were enormous expenses with the hospital, memorial service and subsequent burial. Then came a flood of people wanting to send Julie cards and notes....so a PO box was set up for that. The amount of cards, letters, and gifts that people sent were overwhelming. There were people from all over the WORLD, not just the United States. She has cards, letters and gifts from people in Europe, Australia, South America etc....and the letters are so heartfelt. I've only seen a very few, but the few I have seen have brought tears to my eyes. They are mostly from moms saying how when their little ones are fussy or they get impatient with their child, they think of Julie and little Patrick and instead of getting angry or frustrated, they are holding their children closer and thanking God for them. That alone is so wonderful. That because of little Patrick, mothers and fathers all over the world and remembering that their child is a GIFT to them. There are gifts for the kids and books to help Julie with grieving, flowers, checks, teddy bears, pictures. So from this mothers perspective, there was something positive to come out of this. My daughter is a very eloquent writer, always has been. She was winning writing awards in grammar school. So it was no surprise to me when she started a blog and it immediately became popular. But all this....wow. I am and continue to be amazed by people and their generosity of spirit.
And even when someone called Child Protective Services....and they descended on my daughters house and told her alllllll the things they wanted fixed and done and my poor grieving daughter and Danny found that inner strength I knew they both had and had that house clean and sparkling and organized and did everything that was requested of them (with a LOT of help, again, from so many wonderful people) and they passed with FLYING colors when CPS re-visited them and immediately closed the case. As horrible as that was to go through, it did serve a purpose. My daughter is now focused on putting together some furniture she got from Ikea to help organize her house and the house looks different than it did when little Patrick died. His little things are organized and put away for now. For the first time, Julie is home, alone, while the kids are in school. That has to be a HUGE adjustment. But she is doing it. Having lost my husband 2 and half years ago, I know what its like to grieve, but this is different. This is a
child . A
baby. I can't even begin to imagine it. No mother can. Its the unthinkable, the unimaginable.
But again, there are good things that I can glean from this situation.....because I have to. Because if I think about Julie without Patrick it causes terrible pain in my heart. God has sent this dear man, Donn to help me through this. He has shown that he is compassionate and loyal and loving. He has not left my side through all of this and has been there to lean on and hold me up when I needed it. He has shown me that he will be there when I need him , forever. I cannot thank God enough for the gift of this dear man. God's timing is perfect. Talk about true colors shining through....wow. He has made a friend in all of my daughters and my grandchildren as well. What a gift from God. I'm very sorry he had to go through all of this at the beginning of our relationship, but we got through it together. What a blessing! And as usual, my friends, my posse has come through like I knew they would. I have the most wonderful friends. I will say it again and again. My friends are the best. Ever.
Through all of this, I still have to trust God. I still have to hold tight to His hand because I cannot do anything else. I will never understand fully why God chose to take Patrick back to Himself, but when I get to Heaven, all will be made clear. Patrick is getting to know his grampa Barry. And I WILL see that little boy again. I know it with every fiber of my being. Heaven is looking better and better as I get older and older. My days on this earth are numbered, as is everyone days. With every day I am on this earth, I will find joy. I will praise my Lord and Savior. God bless us as we walk this earth, and let us never forget the miracle that life that is given to each of us. Because of Patrick James Doyle, I will remember that every day. Thank you Patrick for your gift to me. Never forgotten, always loved. Always.
