Yup, I am feeling conflicted. Today would have been Barry and my 37th wedding anniversary. This is the first year I am married to my wonderful husband Donn and "celebrating" my anniversary with my late husband Barry. How does one do this? While I am so content and happy with my new husband, I don't ever want to forget what Barry and I had. While my marriage to Barry was never perfect, it was a good marriage, especially the last eight years. I am so grateful that we had those last, wonderful years together .....that we traveled some, and hardly ever argued about anything because we knew each other so well. I would hope everyone in a marriage would have those kind of years. What a blessing! And now.....now I am married to a wonderful man who loves and cherishes me as I love and cherish him. One of the things I missed most after Barry passed away was the feeling of being cherished. Once again, God has blessed me abundantly with a man who is wonderful to me in every way. How is it possible to feel so happy and content, while still mourning the loss of my late husband? How can I feel the love of my present husband and still feel the presence and love my my late husband? I have "introduced" Donn to Barry.....taken him by the grave site where his picture is on the gravestone. He has been so supportive of me when I do this, although he does admit its kind of awkward, and that he is a bit jealous of the loving relationship we had all those years, that he feels he was cheated out of in his past. So how do I reconcile these feelings? Excellent question. Anyone have an excellent answer? All I can do, is feel what I feel...being thankful that I had a wonderful marriage to Barry and a wonderful marriage to Donn. I still miss Barry. I always will.....how could you NOT miss that goofy, generous guy? He will be in my thoughts today as I contemplate what I had with him and as I feel love and gratefulness for the marriage I have today. Happy anniversary Barry.....you were so loved in your lifetime. I will see you in heaven. Thank you Donn, for loving me and being in my life. Most importantly, all glory goes to God for His ever present love in time of need and in times of joy. Conflicted? yes. Loved? yes. Grateful, yes yes and yes. God is good, all the time. ALL the time.
Jan, I understand how you feel. Jim has been gone almost 7 years, yet I feel him in my life everyday. I don't see him, but I still feel as married now as I did then. I'm happy you have a new love--it's good that you were able to move forward. No one expects you to "forget" your life with Barry. You should celebrate what you had together, it is what has helped to shape the person you are today. Bless you on your anniversary. I hope you and Donn will also share many anniversaries together, filled with love, joy, respect, and understanding.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Lynne. Can't believe its been 7 years already. Hugs and love to you!
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