Its Chemo

So we just found out today that Barry will be getting the chemo from the clinical trial, not the new drug. (plx4032). I was hoping for the new drug, but you know ....its all in God's plan. I do not pretend to know what is best, I just think I know what is best. DTIC is a proven drug approved by the FDA, so okay....we'll give it a shot. If this doesn't work, then we can go to UCSF who is going to be doing a trial using only the new PLX4032, so there is another option. If THAT doesn't work, there is also another new drug with lots of good results called ipilimumab. So....we have options. The waiting has not been easy. I had a bit of a meltdown this last weekend. I have been doing pretty well, keeping it all under control. Then last Friday we found out from Barry's latest CT san that the melanoma had spread viciously....it was now in his spleen and many many spots in both lungs....it is just so aggresive. I found out at work and had to keep it together cuz we were incredibly busy. We had a very busy Saturday with grandkids, spent all day with them which was great, the Sunday we had church, then breakfast with a friend, home for an hour then to a friends house for a late lunch. Finally got home at 4 and I was exhausted. My daughter had just moved out of our back room and left it a horrid mess and I was gonna deal with it next week. Then my husband got a phone call from his mom telling us that they were coming and would be here Wedneday pm. WEDNESDAY??? I had a function I needed to attend on Monday night and we needed to leave Tuesday morning for SFO for the doctor appt. There was no way I could get that cleaned, clean sheets, clean the bathroom and scrub the carpet that was filthy that night....I was just too exhausted!! I had a complete meltdown....laying on the floor sobbing and crying like a small child. My husband could not figure out why I was so upset. He tried to tell me not to worry, that everything would be okay, his parents wouldn't care. But I would care!! No way could I have someone go into that room. I got up and was throwing things into bags angry and crying. I knew Barry would just not understand that a woman needs to know that her house is in order for guests....not perfect, but not horrendous either. We need to know that there are clean towels, that the carpet doesn't reek, that there are clean sheets on the bed etc. I went to bed still crying that night, got up the next morning in a horrible mood and went to work. My husband called my daughter and told her to come over and help clean out the fridge (another source of my freaking out....so much yucky stuff that needed to be thrown out) so he was trying to help. I got home Monday night feeling a bit better. I needed to be in a better frame of mind for Tuesday. And lo and behold....Tuesday morning I felt so much better. We went to the doctors and we were told that we were getting the chemo. We had many many people praying, so we feel that this is Gods will. He knows much better than we do. So, now we pray that the chemo will be easier than the interferon, which was brutal. And we continue on, in this cancer drama. We pray, and we trust and we wait.