Roller Coaster

Wow....emotional roller coaster is all I can say. We met with the oncologist and he was pretty matter of fact, with no emotion. He came in and said with no emotion "Well if the spot on his back is cancer, then he has stage IV and the therapy changes drastically"....Again....blood draining from my face. Stage IV is the worst...very dire. Not to say that there is no hope, but the chances go WAY down. We cannot biopsy the spot because it is inside the vertebrae and to do so would mean drilling thru the bone to get there and thats not wise at this point. So....all we can do is wait 3 more months and do a repeat PET scan and see if the spot has gotten bigger, or spread to different areas of the body. Talk about scaring the pee out of me. So, I have all my friends fervently praying for a miracle. That the spot is NOT cancer. That if it is cancer....please God...you can change it. Barry has stage III right now, which is not great, but we have a fighting chance. The interferon starts on Monday for 30 days. We also are seeing a radiation oncologist tomorrow to see if there is any need for radiation on his surgery site because of all the cancer that was found there, into the muscle tissue. Do you know they removed 21 out of 34 lymph nodes in him?? I can't believe it grew so fast. Thats what scares me. I am cherishing every kiss, every snuggle , every word, every laugh.....The love of my life. He cannot leave me yet. I won't let him. Please God.....I need him for a long, long time yet.