I have never been alone

This title has so many meanings. I have never been alone in life in two ways. #1: I went from my parents house to being married. I was never on my own. Never had an apartment all to myself. Never paid all the bills by myself. Never had to go to a movie by myself....Never had to make a major financial decision by myself. I always had Barry to go to for help, or before that, my parents. I blithely let Barry deal with all the mortage stuff, tax stuff, robbing-Peter-to-pay-Paul scenarios.....I just let him worry about it cuz he was better at it. He handled all the money...still does. My checking account pays for groceries, birthday stuff and Christmas...I do all the Christmas stuff with very few exceptions...and all the emergency stuff that comes up....like water heaters breaking, new dryers etc and also all the "fun stuff"....movies, out to dinner, etc. So to even think about my husband not being here to deal with all that stuff kinda freaks me out. He has all his stuff on QuickBooks....I have no clue how to use it. He keeps all the bills and stuff down at the shop...I never see any of it. When the computer breaks down, he fixes it. I know nothing about computers. I think I want a laptop cuz then if it breaks I just walk it into the computer store and have it fixed. No huge monitors or towers or hard-drives....I have just been so blissfully unaware of all this stuff. When appliances break, Barry fixes them or deals with the warranties and makes the phone calls. I have been so pampered in life. I just never realized it. Now I'm facing cancer and life alone after Barry. Not that he is dying right now....but the realization that its gonna happen sooner rather than later is daunting and terrifying. The thought of me dealing with house issues, taxes, finances, life insurance, car problems is overwhelming. Do you know how nice it is being married to a mechanic? I never had to worry about anything....smog inspections, water hoses breaking, insurance, registration....Barry took care of that. I cannot imagine my life without this man. Living on my own. To say I'm scared is an understatement. But here is the other way I've never been alone: God is always there. My friends and family have come thru for me in ways I never thought possible. God has a plan and there are somedays I'm not even sure what to pray for. I always ask that I get many, many more years of married life to this man, for health for him, for the cancer to just GO AWAY, but I know so much about this disease and every doctor we have been to looks and says "you know this is a tough diagnosis..." or something to that effect. They are NOT optimistic at all and always have this grim look on their face. That doesn't help me. Not that I want them to be all happy and perky, but hey...come one. Tell me SOMETHING positive....please. So I pray for a miracle. My friend from church lost her husband to cancer 6 months ago at a young age and she is going thru a terrible time....such a sweet couple...so in love. I look at her and think "there I will be in awhile" and I HATE that thought....hate it hate it hate it. But I just keep looking to the Lord to sustain me , and so far He has, as well as my friends....every step of the way. For that, I am truly thankful.