The Sunshine State of Denial

Ahhh...the beautiful State of Denial....a happy place, where the skies are always blue, time stands still and everything is "normal". I would like to buy real-estate there. Problem is, you can't buy there, you can only rent. And the landlord is a mean guy named Dose O. Reality. And he can kick you out at any time, kicking and screaming. Thats how most people leave, and I was one of them. You have probably noticed that I haven't written in awhile....thats cuz I was living in the most beautiful rented house in the above named state when the stinky landlord came and booted me out. *sigh* After Barry's radiation was done, we had a lovely few weeks of "normalcy." Barry's energy still isn't what it used to be, but it was improving, and we went and had some fun with some friends at dinner for my birthday, had a GREAT time, also went and looked in antique stores and found little treasures (no buying, just looking) and generally just enjoyed each others company. Barry went to work every day and so did I....just did the usual everyday stuff and ya know what? It was heaven. I enjoyed every single minute of it. Then BAM! Barry had pain in his sternum area when he took a deep breath. And there it was....fear. I told him to call his doctor, which he did and was advised to go to Urgent Care...which he did. They did a bunch of tests for his heart, which was appropriate, but no chest x-ray, which I thought, given his diagnosis, would be standard. I called the doctors office and made them order one, and he had one done with his brain MRI which was already schedueled. And there it was....a spot on his lung. Not just fear now.....terror. They could not tell it what it was, we would have to wait for the PET scan on Monday. My lovely state of denial was over and now appeared the little black cancer cloud that seems to follow every cancer patient I know. It just appears and disappears at its own whim, never letting you know when its gonna appear and turn your stomach into jello and your knees to oatmeal. I push it away and turn my eyes toward the sun (and the Son!) and try not to let it eat me alive....but you always know its there. And so....we wait. Again. and again. And then in the middle of all of this, BAM! a tiny miracle of life, born to my sweet niece. She had a problem pregnancy with cysts on the placenta. The doctors said, after delivering the baby(she was 2 months premature) that it was a miracle that Kim kept her in her uterus for so long. And if they had delivered her even one day later, it all could have had a completely different outcome for both baby and mother. So sweet baby Ella is a testament to God's timing and that miracles still happen. I'm waiting, hoping, and trusting my Lord and hoping He will throw a miracle my way.